Weddings are such big business these days. On the We! Channel I watch shows about the dress, the cake, the crazy bride and even the guys who plan the reception. Barely anybody does a low-key wedding anymore. Everyone is looking to have something no one else has or has even considered. And we all know the very sad statistic that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. But why do those marriages end, what is the first fissure that ends up cracking the entire union. My theory is that it begins with the wedding song. Most of these songs that herald in the couple as Mr. and Mrs. Stupidly-in-Love is a precursor of how things will end up.
For example, on Wuderlist’s Best Love song list, the number one song is, Open Arms, by Journey. Sounds like a great song because he is finally here with his arms open…obviously he is there with open arms because she already left him once and as a co-dependant woman, she’s back for more! Trust me, those arms won’t be open for very long.
Another one on the list is Something, by the Beatles. She’s asking him if his love will grow, his response is, “I don’t know, but stick around and let’s find out.” Hey bub, if you don’t think that the passing years, babies and a mortgage and all the other ups and downs of life won’t make your love for this long-suffering woman grow…then you should probably go now.
One more, and one of my favorites, Van Morrison’s Someone Like You. Basically, he is looking for someone exactly like you…not you, but someone like you. Can you imagine the poor bride dancing with her new husband when she finally figures out that he wanted someone like her…maybe her sister…total devastation.
John Bon Jovi, hot and sexy as he is, sings a lot of co-dependant songs. Namely, I’ll be There For You, where he wants to be the air I breathe and the water I drink. Good gracious! Give a girl some space.
Howard Jones sings, “I'm not eating I'm not sleeping this tension this worry
You don't call you don't write me
I need your love in a hurry
Teach me, Reach me, Meet me, Beat me,
Tease me, Please me,
Come and seize me,”
YIKES is my only response.
Some of the songs are obviously co-dependent just by the titles:
"How Am I Suppose To Live Without You?" - Michael Bolton
"I Am Nothing" (If I Don't Have You) -Whitney Houston
"I Fall To Pieces" - Patsy Cline
"If I Can't Have You" - Yvonne Elleman
Groups from the late 70’s and early 80’s seemed to have only written co-dependent songs, for example:
Chicago – You’re the Inspiration, If You Leave Me Now, and Hard Habit to Break.
Basically, I don’t want any one woman to be any man’s EVERYTHING. I don’t want to be responsible for your happiness nor do I want to fulfill your every need. That’s why we get on with life after the honeymoon. Go make some friends, go golf with the guys and the come home and tell me about it, but don’t make me be your only friend.
To make my point, I asked my Facebook Friends what their love songs were. Here’s part of the list:
- All The Way" by Frank Sinatra
- True Companion by Marc Cohn
- All I Ask of You (from Phantom of the Opera)
- When a man Loves a woman" by Percy Sledge
When I checked the lyrics on these songs they were all about sharing life and love and giving all of yourself so someone because a marriage is not 50/50 but 100/100. How do I know this works? These songs came from people who have been married for over 10 years, most closer to 20.
And what about me, you ask, what’s our song? Well, the song that was “Our” song with my first husband was Time in a Bottle, by Jim Croce. A somewhat co-dependant song in the fact that I don’t want to spend every single day from August 26, 1989 til eternity with anyone. I need more interaction than that…Of course, he spent more time in a Vodka bottle than he did with me, so the point is moot.
My current husband,and best friend, and I have two songs. The Good Stuff, by Kenny Chesney and Home, by Alan Jackson. Both songs talk about the hard stuff married people go through, but love each other anyway; we are each other’s home. It may not be expansive and filled with fine furniture, but wherever we are, that’s home.
Now, please don’t take this personally…it’s just a silly blog. No matter what your song is, you picked it for a reason that’s special to you and you shouldn’t let me ruin that for you. But, if you find yourself living your life only to fulfill someone else’s life, then you should probably start singing a different tune.
Interesting concept. It may be interesting to track this for a few years and see what more data does.
ReplyDeleteAs for your home? Mine is more like Phil Vassar's "Just Another Day In Paradise," which by the way runs through my head with each new "opportunity for success" (read challenge) that gets thrown at me. More specifically, I've adopted remembering it after the washing machine broke the first time and have laughed each time we had to repair it, thanks to this song. We now have a different set, but I'm just waiting for whats next.
So if you see some guy dancing through the grocery store singing this song, say hi and join in.
My pet peeve love song is "Beauty and the Beast." Give me a break!! Why does ANYONE consider it a love song to call the guy a beast? Even if he did grown out of it. (Maybe.) Ugh!!!! Totally agreeing with you Jennifer!
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