Music to my ears...

I’m on the couch, again, while he is lying in my bed making the most God-awful noise. It’s not a gentle snore, but a reverberation that comes from deep in the back of his throat. It’s impossible to fall asleep next to him. I always love the bedtime ritual of wrapping our arms around each other just to feel each other breathe. When I place my head in the pit of his shoulder, I can hear his heart beating and feel like I’m almost inside of him, like we are one breath. But then he infuriates me by falling asleep so fast and commences with that ragged sound. It seems like he can fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow, while I struggle with insomnia all night long. I assume that he has no worries, has no stress. He’s at peace with his life. His brain goes quiet while his mouth roars on.




When he wakes up in the morning it’s as if he’s shot out of a cannon. He needs no alarm because he can wake up at whatever time he tells himself he needs to the night before. I can hear him whistling when he gets out of the shower. It’s like a bird from “Snow White” has flown into our bathroom. I, on the other hand, fell that morning should not come before noon. Sometimes his jovial mood annoys me, but most of the time I just accept it for what it is; the sign of a man happy in his own skin.



There are other times, on the weekends or at the end of the day, when the sounds coming from my living room are those of children being tortured. I’m quite sure the neighbors wonder if they should call Social Services for all of the “Owws,” “Don’ts!” and “Stops,” Being screamed from my children. But along with the shouts of “Mom! Help!” are the never ending giggles and he tickles them or hugs the air right out of their lungs. There used to be Saturdays and Sundays filled with football games in the front yard. But now they plan on him being the designated chaperone while they attend some screamy, all-day concert in a dusty field. Some nights they all disappear for a movie in the park. At first, the chaos made me crazy. Our home had been so quiet until he came along and now it’s filled with cries of joy, laughter, and an abundance of love. I never knew love could be so loud. I realize now that what my children needed was a man who knew how to have fun and would ask them to join him.



When it comes time to talk about work ethic, grades, chores and the allowance they won’t be getting again this week, everyone gets stormy and upset. He is calm, but firm with them. He never forgets a punishment, nor does he forget a job well-done. He’s quick with discipline as well as with praise. He treats my children as if they were his own. Even though we now have babies that we share together, no one can tell by his behavior that the first three are not his. He’s ruggedly dark and handsome where they are fair and blond. Most people just say that they favor me, where the babies favor him. The average stranger is surprised to find out that the older children come from a different father. “he loves them so…” they say. “I can tell your son loves his father,” the quip. Little do they know, my son actually has no feelings for his father, but adores and respects his step-dad.



Speaking of steps, the most amazing sound I ever heard from him was when he responded to a question my daughter asked upon the birth of our child. She asked, “Is Lina my step-sister, or my half-sister?” His response was, “There are no steps or halves in this family. Lina is just your sister.”



We are an unconventional and noisy family and he is our conductor. I like his music much better than any music I have ever heard.